What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 06:45
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
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She found it foreign!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was seconnd youngest,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She wouldn,t have been !
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How does a 45-year-old man get a girlfriend?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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She loved him until the end.
And i lived it daily.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What was the worst spanking you ever got? Why did you get it, and how was it given to you?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
Would this be the day?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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I never cut or harmed myself..
I said to her
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
(And it was in our own minds.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Homophobia is clearly a harmful mental sickness. What can LGBT people do to cure it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
All the time i was locked up.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I have no regrets .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I don,t even have a pension.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was very sick at this time too.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Ive learnt so much.
One cannot live in the past .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Who then, do I blame.?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was in good health!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I think the readers, may guess!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is soul school!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But, we were locked up after school.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im still living with it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My family never makes their pension either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it wasn’t much.